She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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