but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was born a porn star she said
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
