Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
