Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Say something about gay babies.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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