I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
