i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize