im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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