i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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