His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
