I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
