no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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