Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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