nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
