Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
