I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I could fuck to npr.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
