The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
wanna go halves on a baby?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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