I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
