Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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