We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize