I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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