insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
