First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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