how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
