She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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