i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
