the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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