And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
