2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
