You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
