I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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