I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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