wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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