I'm going to jail i love you
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
