Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
