when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
