Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
