So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
