TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
