dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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