why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
