Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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