God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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