FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
