3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
