Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
