You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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