Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
