it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
