I think my vagina is haunted
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
