The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
