I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
