she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have aggressive nipples.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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