All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
