We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
