there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
