ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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