How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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