My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
