I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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