dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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