I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
