thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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