i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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