someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
