My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have already put on my inside pants.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
