I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I need moral support for this bender
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
