I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
