Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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