At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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