I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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