Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My cat gives me a boner
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
