How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I've blown a few things in my day
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
