It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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